Washington, D.C. area-rapist “staying in tonight” totally unrelated to Washington, D.C. area-residents “carrying guns legally”

AreaRapistDanCitizens of Washington, D.C. now possess the human-right to carry a gun for self-defense according to a recent ruling by federal court Judge Frederick J. Scullin Jr., but this has reportedly had no real effect on the schedule of area-rapist Dan, who said he was “pretty much already planning to stay in and chill tonight anyway”.

When asked about his routine, area-rapist Dan stated that, “Normally, Friday nights are ideal for my pastime, but right now, gosh, my kitchen’s spice-rack is a jumbled disaster and I should probably straighten that situation out instead of doing rape-stuff.”

The fact that he could now be shot and killed by a woman defending herself apparently has nothing to do with his homebound plans for the night. “Nah, it’s absolutely TOTALLY not that…besides my cat also seems a little pensive lately. I really ought to stay home and soothe Señor Boom-Boom and not go out to rape people.”

Dan admits he will now be unable to tell which women in the D.C. area are armed and which are not armed, but claims that risk doesn’t scare him. At all. He does, however, very sincerely hope some group like “Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America” agitates to appeal the ruling. “Those chicks are great. Thank God “Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America” shares my commitment to 100% guaranteed unarmed, vulnerable women. What a great, forward-thinking civic organization.”

In the meantime, area-rapist Dan indicated that due to a “Hoarders” marathon on TV and “the outside chance it may rain”, it’s entirely likely he might just stay in and not rape for a while.


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