Despondent that it hasn’t ever been the site of a mass-shooting like some nearby schools, a sad police station building was quietly sobbing in it’s bedroom today.
“What’s WROOOOONG with me?!? Why don’t I-I-I-I-I-I ever have a mass-shooting?? I’m pretty tooooooo,” the building cried out before briefly burying it’s face in it’s pillows. “I mean how come some psychopath never has a successful murder-spree with muhhheeeeee?!?” The police station building then broke off into labored blubbering and threw it’s pre-algebra book across the room.
“I have the EXACT same bricks and concrete as those STUPID school buildings and I have LOTS of people inside to kill, but for SOME reason no one EVER seems to have a mass-shooting inside my walls. It’s like I don’t even make the LIST of possible places.” The self-pitying police station building continued, “Is it because I’m FAT?!? It’s probably because I’m FAT. Uuuuggghhhh, I hate myself so MUCH!!!” The depressed police station pinched its slightly chubby rain-gutters hard enough to leave a bruise,“I am such a fat-fat-FATTY!!!”
After moaning indecipherably at it’s bedroom ceiling the sad police station building whined, “It’s not FAAAAAAIR!! Why would an armed maniac, committed to creating terror and havoc and killing the largest number of people possible, choose a school filled with children and unarmed adults? It makes no sense.” The building wondered,“Maybe it’s because school buildings are allowed to wear make-up…my lame mom NEVER lets me wear make-up.”
“Sometimes it seems like there’s SOMETHING about me that keeps those maniacs from even trying. I just WISH I knew what it was.” The police station building lamented, “God, I NEVER should have gotten my hair cut this short. I can’t WAIT until my bangs grow out.”